Irrational Fear

I guess I needed to be taken down a peg or two. I had been feeling a little too good about myself lately. I had been working on getting in shape for an upcoming J-Tree trip by doing laps on the auto belay in the gym. Last week I did 70+ laps. Philip had a scout camp out Friday night so I went along. I got up early Saturday and went for a 5 mile run in the hills. Not being in great running shape I suffered and even walked when the Jeep road went straight up the hillside with no switchbacks, but I finished it. Yeah, I was feeling pretty good about myself alright. Then we took the boys into Peppersauce caves. I don't like confined spaces, but had been in the cave before and was able to maintain. It was muddy and fun. We all slipped around getting muddier by the second. Then we came to a small crack that was as big or bigger than some of the other places we had to squeeze through. I just couldn't do it. I talked myself into going through, but then remembered that I would have to come back through it. I just couldn't even muster the desire to want to make myself do it. I decided to turn back. I climbed back up a little way, and turned off my headlamp. I listened to the cave noises, and felt the humid air. I enjoyed being alone. When I heard another party coming I turned on my headlamp and headed out. I am going to have to go back and conquer that irrational fear.